In my mind's eye...

I would say that I am definitely someone who finds it more comfortable living in my head. And I often find I miss out on life (and living every moment) because I'm somewhere inside my head, either in the past or the future. This is something I'm working on changing, if for no other reason than the fact that children live in the moment and I'd so love to be in on the same wave-length as my children - how else will I come to enjoy them and relish in their lives?

Having said this - I've always been good at imagining my life, creating an image in my mind of how I wish it could be, what I would do given the chance... Now, this could be good and it could be bad.

What's great about dreaming and creating a picture in my head is that I have a bit of road-map... directions if you will... to the place where I want to go. These days my dreams are about simplifying, creating natural spaces, treading gently on the earth. I'm dreaming about my summer vegetable patch, about a new recycling bin, about writing more. I'm dreaming about playing in the garden with Malakai and watching Harlan learn to crawl over newly-moved green lawn. I'm dreaming about cooking meals (using my own vegetables and greens) to satisfy my family's hunger and watching movies after the boys have gone to bed, cuddled on the couch with my husband. 

But I've also learned that dreaming is not always practical - it often takes up the valuable time I could have spent living! And I've learned that sometimes our dreams cannot begin to encompass what is actually in store for us. If I remember back to my pregnancy with Malakai - I very clearly had no 'dreams'. For some or other reason, for once in my life, I didn't project ideas of how being a new mother would be. Even though I'd try to imagine what my son would be like - I kept drawing a blank.

Now I know that it was because Malakai would come into our lives revealing a secret that no one knew or expected. I now know that I would never - could never - have dreamed a more beautiful dream. Malakai, and his diagnosis of Down syndrome, is the greatest gift I never knew I wanted.

Two years later, I am still sometimes dumbfounded by the path my life has taken. I cannot believe that I have been blessed so fully and so abundantly. I could not have dreamed a better dream in my mind's eye...

So, my son has taught me to live in the moment - a lesson I try to apply to my life everyday. A lesson that I find most challenging because I am so comfortable in my head... I know that nothing I dream of can compare with what I have, right here, in front of me.

One amazing husband. Two perfect boys. And an extra chromosome.